There are ups and downs, and I'm grateful and thankful for all the little joys in life that keeps me sane, and also the people that keeps me going. Never once I took them for granted and thankyou for always helping me.
Been thinking alot. Always thinking alot. Spending time reflecting on things. I could spend all day just thinking and thinking, and it just never ends. There are just endless amount of problems or things I've got to think about and its no joke. It really kills from the inside. To constantly live through the mind battle everyday, every night. Even when I thought I can sleep it off, but it just doesn't seem to go away. Yet, with so much I think about, life still goes on. There's still things I need to do to make ends meet. As much as I hate myself and my life, I still try to keep going forward.
There are alot of people who are probably blessed with so much more in life. While some are just, not as lucky. Some people spend all their time trying to make ends meet, while some just wait for good things to happen. Life is fair, or is it? I spent alot of my time, wondering why things happen. Well but there's obviously futile trying to think why things happen, instead I should be focusing on how to make things better. Is there another way around this? I'm afraid not.
The mind battles I go through daily, is really mind exhausting. It really drains your soul literally. It sucks out every bit of happiness I have inside my mind and vanishes just like that. You know how painful that is? To garner all the happy thoughts and things that happens, and everytime it just disappears just like that. Without any warning or a chance that maybe it won't go away.
I've tried really hard to keep things going. Keep myself moving on. Its not the fall that kills, its the courage and strength to pick yourself up again. To pick yourself from where you fall, it isn't as easy as you think. There's no simple way out, you just gotta do things the hard way. Everytime there seem to be a ray of hope, a faith I can hold on to, it goes away.
I'm stuck at the rock bottom. Or rather I'm falling into an endless abyss. Never ends.
Why do I try so hard when no one really appreciates? I keep telling myself its all lies and that its not happening. Seems like I'm self-delusional. Just when the world seem like a better place, something then happens and burst that happy thought bubble. You know how sick I feel, to keep being reminded that my life sucks. I don't need people to remind me my life sucks. I KNOW IT WELL ENOUGH.
Just rub it in my face why don't you. Go ahead, mock me. Laugh at me. Seek joy out of the misery I am in.
In the end, I'm back to where I started. This endless misery.
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