It Continues

Start of another new week. Monday's down, and looking forward to Friday. This will repeat until 30th September when all of us, (except for one cute soul hurhur) will countdown!!! Fyeah. Can't wait.



Despite all this crazy (monotonous) internship I'm going through. I still hold, maybe a penny of hope (okay this doesn't make sense) that I will enjoy the end of it. Maybe just the end? Hmmm, maybe I'm starting to be positive about this. Hmmmm, then again I don't want my hopes crashing again. Feeling that way sucks.



Well, but there's a quote which really means quite alot- Tough times don't last, only tough people last.






So true and I am slowly trying to stick to this.



Something inside me, is slowly evolving, and hopefully whatever I'm going through, definitely prove me a better person, and yes, to not look back at my past. I really am crossing fingers. I will really really need your help so, stick through with me alright guys?

Heart

Haven been having the heart to be in this space! Probably because there's Twitter so I guess there isn't a need to be here but then again, a blog is still significantly different from Twitter!



Honestly I always have alot of stuff I wanna be blogging about here! Whenever I'm here, I kinda lose my train of thoughts.....



Internship to be honest, isn't being at its best for me. I'm not complaining that having nothing to do is bad, its just that, you're on a learning journey so you might as well do something worthwhile and productive right? Plus time really goes slower than snail speed during work and its driving me mad. Thumbs up that I've managed to last this long. Just about 2 more months and we're done and over with!



Been meeting friends every weekend. Maximizing my weekends. Its really draining my soul, but its good for the sanity. Keeps me going on for sure.



I can't be sure of my sanity alot of times, and I'm thankful for everyone who's been really patience with me. I admit sometimes I really say really mean things but..... I really don't mean it...... I just gotta be careful with my words but......... lets just hope I'll be happy, and happier soon.



It feels really so good to be typing on and on, going on typing on this keyboard. Definitely one of the advantage is you can type endlessly here! (Just that no one bothers to read 'em thats all!) Hahah.



I guess, in the past, there's always urge to type how I feel. Plus how the day went, thats why blogging was the trend. With Twitter around, your thoughts, emotions and even whereabouts are on the go! Means there are more stalkers and lurkers! Eeeep.



If I were to actually track back where I last left before I went inactive, it'll never end. So.... I guess blogging is still cool! Just that people probably don't find a need to be around since Twitter is there, and also there's Facebook!



This blog needs a revamp, but I'm kinda too lazy to figure out what skins I wanna use... I remember spending hours on blogskins.com trying to find a damn cool skin! Then spending another few more days trying to personalize it! Hahah. Those were the days! Cool if I can actually make my own skin but sheesh, that would take alot of time! Hmmmm but I haven tons of them during work so I might just work some magic!



Honestly who still reads this blog? I always get random people from random countries visiting my blog but they probably chanced upon it! Oh well, doesn't matter who still reads but I'm just curious! After all, this is a personal space!



Hoping things will get better for me, so don't crash anytime soon alright Jonathan? Always remember you've got your friends around you even if they can't understand what you're going through! Keep. That. In. Mind. Always.




Half a mind to visit a counsellor or psychiatrist but that will come next time. For now, keep the faith even if there's none!

Expectations

Its kinda unofficial but this is my 600th post! I've come a long way blogging... from my previous domain to here! I still remember, why did I shift to this very doman. Its been a long journey...

There are ups and downs, and I'm grateful and thankful for all the little joys in life that keeps me sane, and also the people that keeps me going. Never once I took them for granted and thankyou for always helping me.

Been thinking alot. Always thinking alot. Spending time reflecting on things. I could spend all day just thinking and thinking, and it just never ends. There are just endless amount of problems or things I've got to think about and its no joke. It really kills from the inside. To constantly live through the mind battle everyday, every night. Even when I thought I can sleep it off, but it just doesn't seem to go away. Yet, with so much I think about, life still goes on. There's still things I need to do to make ends meet. As much as I hate myself and my life, I still try to keep going forward.

There are alot of people who are probably blessed with so much more in life. While some are just, not as lucky. Some people spend all their time trying to make ends meet, while some just wait for good things to happen. Life is fair, or is it? I spent alot of my time, wondering why things happen. Well but there's obviously futile trying to think why things happen, instead I should be focusing on how to make things better. Is there another way around this? I'm afraid not.

The mind battles I go through daily, is really mind exhausting. It really drains your soul literally. It sucks out every bit of happiness I have inside my mind and vanishes just like that. You know how painful that is? To garner all the happy thoughts and things that happens, and everytime it just disappears just like that. Without any warning or a chance that maybe it won't go away.

I've tried really hard to keep things going. Keep myself moving on. Its not the fall that kills, its the courage and strength to pick yourself up again. To pick yourself from where you fall, it isn't as easy as you think. There's no simple way out, you just gotta do things the hard way. Everytime there seem to be a ray of hope, a faith I can hold on to, it goes away.

I'm stuck at the rock bottom. Or rather I'm falling into an endless abyss. Never ends.

Why do I try so hard when no one really appreciates? I keep telling myself its all lies and that its not happening. Seems like I'm self-delusional. Just when the world seem like a better place, something then happens and burst that happy thought bubble. You know how sick I feel, to keep being reminded that my life sucks. I don't need people to remind me my life sucks. I KNOW IT WELL ENOUGH.

Just rub it in my face why don't you. Go ahead, mock me. Laugh at me. Seek joy out of the misery I am in.

In the end, I'm back to where I started. This endless misery.