Thoughts

Moments like this don't come by often.



Times when you really, settle down, and really think about what you want to do in future that lies ahead. Life is just packed with, anything and everthing there is to ponder about.



In the most unexpected moment, comes that instance when you really wonder, what have you been doing with your life, and what comes next? Wondering what happened was a reality, something you wanted? Thinking what happens next, but the truth is, you can't expect everything to go according to what you plan.



It's just, funny how sometimes, things just works it way. You could try your best for that one thing at the other end of the rainbow, but the next moment you're settled for something that has been always been there for you.

Faith

Its been awhile! Yeah, so thats the new hairdo. Don't ask me why I decided to tint it. Hmmm, yet to find something to update. Life's been, rather challenging these days. I don't deny that I'm not all perfect and fine from the fall, but what I know is I still am trying, and picking myself from where I fell. Its not all smooth-sailing but when you're at the rock bottom, the only way out is to go up.



I am thankful to all my friends nonetheless. Always have been and will always be. Nothing I say can justify how much they've done for me. Without them, I'm just nothing. We all have so much to learn from each other, and once again, thanks to whoever who have been worrying and helping me feel better. Things isn't exactly better, but at least I know I've got all of you right besides me. You guys know who you are :)



Holidays so far has been pretty boring. Apart from a few outings so far. Half the time of holidays so far I'm at home, either watching Bleach, playing PWI or PSP. Gamer much? Maybe, maybe not.



Attempted to find jobs but no avail. Looking for event-base jobs, anyone who has anything, do beep me alright? Thanks!



Birthday this year isn't much like a birthday to be honest. Then again, thankyou for all the smses/wishes on Facebook/phonecalls! I'll update about that again!!



Hmmm, everyone's internship is almost secured. Hmmm, at least the bulk of my friends! Really wonder where I'll be though. Hmmmm, slightly worried but nothing much I can do about it! Just have to hope for the best!



Okay, so its bits and pieces of updates here and there, but just glad things are slightly better now. Exam results were not too bad I suppose. Manage to maintain and slightly improve just a weebit. I'm glad.



Hmmmm, so I'm going off now, so stay safe guys! Oh, and stay healthy! Virusbugs are around these days! =)

Rest In Peace...

Although I may not be very close kin, but afterall it was still fated that we became relatives...



Thankyou for everything and anything...



Rest in peace....













"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Thoughts

Honestly, there are just countless times I feel so faithless and helpless. About what? Myself and my life.



Its not like I want/like to be sad, but there's really genuinely nothing to be happy about. There's no one at all that I can talk to. All these while I've been telling myself I will get through this, I will and I must because I will not just fall just like that. However, its just too difficult. Its like, you're trying to get over something but something ahead falls on you and adding on the burden. People wonder why I get so upset all the time, over what?



There are just things I can't say. Afraid of judgement and rejection. There are just so many things I keep to myself. Everyone has their own share of problems, and thus there are times that I don't want to be a burden to anyone. Not even my friends, but the irony is that friends are there to help you when you're down. However, I just don't know who to look for because I'm just too afraid of what you might think. I don't deny that there are times I want to just, disappear and be gone from the face of the world. I still have these feelings.



I can't express how I feel through words very clearly but its just issues I have to deal everyday of my life and I'm tired. I'm sick of everything and everyone around me. I'm sick of my life. I hate myself. Can you understand that kind of feeling? To hate yourself so badly. Attempts to suicidal thoughts? There's just no one I can talk to. I don't want to burden anyone yet I hope that someone can help me. Then again, people say that you are the one to brave through and pick up where you fall but I don't know how to?!



You see, this is the kind of mental-battle I go through everyday. All the time, everywhere I go and anyone I'm with. To put up a brave front so no one will think I'm weak? It doesn't make things better than I'm a guy and I'm all weak and emotional and shit. What am I suppose to do with my life? Let natural take its course? Ignore and move on in life?



The problems I face, isn't short time problems, or problems can be settled in just a snap. Its repeated issues I've been dealing with since I was young, and by young I really mean young. I've ever thought of seeing a counsellor, but that will need money and do I have them? No. Friends tell me that I think too much but you see, this isn't just about myself but the people around me and my future. Sometimes even, there are things that happened before that still haunts me. I can't move on. Its been years but I still can't move on. I freaking wonder why must things like this happen to ME. I'm weak? I'm not strong enought to deal with it thats why it happened to me? It fears me so bad that sometimes I dare not see anyone at all... I'm scared that it will happen to me again..



I just don't know what to do and what to feel anymore... I guess even now my friends who see me posting 'emo' stuff, they probably think "Oh he's being emo again.", "Oh okay, guess he'll be fine so I don't have to care.". Some probably don't even bother.. The truth is nobody cares, thats the cruel fact I was forced to accept. Wherever did all the hope and care gone to? In the bottom of my heart, I know that I refuse to accept the conclusion that everyone live as an individual. At some point of time we will have to be on our own, but there are times too that we have our friends as our backup. Its always comforting to know that you've got friends to fall on.



If you notice, there is just literally 2 sides of me. Once is trying to accept the cruel reality but another is giving myself hopes, but are those false hopes? I really don't know..



Sometimes I just want to stop thinking about anything... or best just to die? Sigh. People are probably going to be judgemental and see me in a different light, but it doesn't make any difference does it??



I disgusts myself. I hate everything about myself. Why was I born in the first place?



Well, I guess now that you've understand more about how my brain functions. Go ahead and judge me. Mock me all you want. I've lost all the strength to move on...

Self-denial

Been thinking for awhile....



March's here, and normally I would make a post on what I really want for birthday (wonder why I even did that, kinda shameless)



In any case... I'll still have it this year.... Well but the truth is I want nothing at all this year...... or the rest of my life...

With no stress, I'm finally back :)

School's out! March's here!

After so many weeks, of rushing projects/assignments and now that exams are finally over, its time to hit the clubs and partay! (okay I don't actually mean really going to clubs, cause I kinda don't enjoy clubbing, uhh you get what I mean) Hahahha.

Well, so its really long time since I've been on this space! Feels nothing but happiness. The kind of life all of us should be having. Once away, you got to take some time, doing something you really like, or even just plain slacking around, even doing nothing feels good :)

Right.... so there's so many things I want to talk about! Let me slowly recap and then I'll post pictures yo!

During exams, Tingke, Eileen, Prime (newly made friend) and I were mugging practically everyday in school! Even all the way till day before our final exams! Thumbs up to all of us! :D Had alot of fun studying with them.... There was one night, where we sneaked in LT. Heheheh. Here are some pictures!!

Hahaha, and here are some cool GIFs we made out of alot!
































































 
 It was fun indeed! Hahaha. Manage to watch LOTR; FOTR!! Though we all were like dying to  even survive the moovie! At least next time, when I gradute from Poly, I can say that I manage to do something sneaky! Hehehehe.



Yesyes, not forgetting, few weeks back, celebrated Jasmine's 19th! :) Together with Noel over at Tampines Mall! It was a simply celebration but it was the people who matters the most!

Hmmm, I'm pretty sure that I'm missing out something, but this is as far as my memory stretches. Heh.



Wellwell, so holidays started a few days back, and it still haven sunk in yet. The sudden realization that school is really over! Well for now, I just do hope that I'll get the job for the upcoming IT Fair... Plus I'm going to _______!!


Ohyes, went to 126 Dim Sum and it was greattttttt! :D Hehehehe. I foresee myself going there again real soon yes! Hoho. Thanks Chia for bringing us there! :D



I shall return to watching Bleach again! I'm like a crazy addict to that. This is why you shouldn't have ALL the episodes in your hands because it results to sleepless nights! Hoho.